Tiger-esque Mom

A tiger mom is defined as, “a mother that is extremely stereotypically Asian”, who “beats their children, demands high grades, bargains at the dollar store, and will only give their children money during Chinese New Year”, according to UrbanDicitonary.com.

Amy Chua, a self-proclaimed tiger mom, discusses why Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids in her Wall Street Journal article (taken as an excerpt from her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom). She says that children of Chinese parents are never allowed to “attend a sleepover, be in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, get any grade less than an A, choose their own extracurricular activities, or play any instrument other than the piano or violin”, just to name a few. Amy Chua rants about these tiger mom traits mockingly, yet her stories reinforce this list of attributes. And she never denies any of these claims.

Society has come to recognize tiger moms as an embodiment of extreme (and some might say inappropriate) parenting. To an unknowing outsider, tiger moms seem uncaring and irrational, cynical and totally not fun. But from the mothers’ perspective, their actions exemplify tough love.

That’s right. It’s all about love.

They love and care for their children so they refuse let them be anything but the best – they are willing to sacrifice anything for their children’s success. When their children get discouraged, tiger moms do not necessarily provide encouragement. Rather they deny their children of the chance to quit.

Originally, this is where I was going to transition into discussing my own tiger mom and her tactics to making me conform to all the other perfect Asian-American children. I was going to write that sometimes, especially in my middle school, adolescent years, I felt suffocated; but in the cliché, happy-ending sort of way, I knew in my heart that she acted this way because she loved me.

But I couldn’t write this. I realized that my mom was not tiger-esque in the Amy Chua-Urban Dictionary sense. Thus, I have no right calling her a tiger mom.

Yes, my Chinese mom expects me to get good grades, practice my viola, go into a respectable profession, and be a loyal daughter. And for the most part, I have succumbed her careful molding.

She pushed. And I gave in.

But there came a point in my life when time would not allow me to be in two places at once – I was forced to choose being a violist in the Hawaii Youth Symphony or dancing in the Hula `Oni E Hula Competition with my halau. Of course, my mom wanted me to maintain my position as one of the talented, hand-picked individuals in our state’s youth orchestra – after all, it would look much better on a college resume. Of course, I wanted to dance hula – after all, it is my passion.

I was adamant about my decision. I (respectfully) pushed. And she gave in.

Obviously, my mom is not tiger mom material, and for that I am grateful. She allowed me to make my own choices and learn by making my own mistakes. She allowed me to pursue my passion and maintain a large part of my identity. And by advocating for my identity, I was able to avoid conforming into the stereotypical Asian-American child.

I’m not saying that you need to defy our moms whenever possible. That would be extremely rude. But there are pressures around us that are trying to change the way you act, change the way you look, and change your interests. So when it comes to matters of identity, it is important to remember what makes you, you.